Wednesday, September 2, 2015


Tonight I got to thinking.  I was winding down and chilling on the sofa and my mind started wandering over my past peoples.  My past best friends.  Our journeys, adventures, and ever-so-adamantly documented happenings.  I thought about all of the good times and how we just drifted apart.  It's sad but I think it is a natural progression.  I think it's true when they say that people are put into your lives at specific times to serve a purpose.

My college friends served an amazing purpose for me.  Throughout middle and high school, I was very much a loner.  I wasn't comfortable in my body and didn't have a lot of friends.  I had some, but not "besties".  My first semester of college, that all changed.  I put myself into the International Business Freshmen Learning Community.  I was interested in the classes and the schedule was appealing, so I dove in.  Within weeks I had formed close friendships with a small group of friends: Meagan, Sean and Jamie (for a minute, to eventually be replaced by Michael).  We may have been an unlikely grouping, but damned if we didn't all hit it off and stick together like glue.  We had class together, went to the gym together, and had movie nights at their dorms.  And it was all plutonic.  Guy friendships were new to me and super exciting.  It literally opened up my world. 

That Fall I also started dating.  I found joy in online dating and instant messaging.  I loved to camp out in my closet office and just chat and chat and chat.  It was another foray into my own self that I had never explored.  And again, it changed my world.  It gave me confidence.  It made me realize just what I wanted out of life.  I went on many first dates.  Held a few hands.  And kissed one or two.  And then I got my heart broke.  But those original college friends were always there for me.  We would discuss ::everything::.

We stayed like that through college too.  I found another close friend in Michael, my Biology buddy.  He was awesome.  He was great to hang with and he was artsy and in to film, and mercurial and had a great laugh and would walk me to my classes.  He was my Jose from 50 Shades.  I think we may of been falling for each other, but it happened at different times... he told me that much once.  But at that point, I had just met G and was falling head-over-heels quickly for him.

By the time college ended, we were all poised to go different directions.  Sean ended up in the Northeast.  Meagan was heading to Nashville, and Michael was still in Atlanta.  We made the unspoken pact to stay forever friends through social media, but eventually, that seemed to fizzle away.  New friends popped up.  New responsibilities.  Jobs, families, cities.  People change and people lose touch.  We can never go back and try to reclaim what we had... we can just hold on to the memories.

I'm so glad I have these pictures and the awesome reminders of our time together.
I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Meagan and I in Aix-en-Provence, France
Andrew, Michael, Andrew's brother and Sean - before our night out at the Fox.
Sean, Meagan and I at UO, Eugene, OR

I know that I have unfollowed people.  It's kinda funny what becomes annoying, but at some point, it's okay to be like "this person is going to survive without my input".  Sometimes I get tired of seeing perfect families and adorable kids, and if I'm feeling particularly moody, I unfollow the heck out of someone and invoke their absense.  Other times I unfollow because I want to forget a person.  And this is the hardest for me.  I have all these words that I want to say but when push comes to shove, I just want to let them go. 

And then sometimes I realize that I'm not the only one who has the ability to unfollow.  And if in haven't heard from a friend in years, then it makes me wonder at what point I became the annoying one?  At what point did my life seem better?  At what point did they decide that they wanted to forget me?

And I know that it is just a natural progression in the grand scheme of things, so I accept it, for the most part. I put on my big girl panties and I blog about it.  I listen to moody music.  I escape from the world for a second, but then I move on.

And I move on.
I live for my present and I find joy in my everyday.
I delight in my daughter and I banter with my husband.
And I live. 
And I dream about my tomorrow's and find comfort in their promise.

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