Wednesday, December 28, 2016

A Rant and Randomness

I have become quite deliberate in my old older age.
I am very conscious about what I put out in to the world and what I expect from the world in return.
I respect the rules of karma and divine paths and faith, and count on them to see me through my days.

I have issues with evil, bad guys and hurting for intent. I also recognize, however, that they are a part of the world, and therefore are a part of the plan. And there is a plan. And that plan is from God. And eventhough they seem awful, there are a series of checks and balances, ebbs and flow, that make the world what it is.

It is hard to fathom the plan in the midst of heartache or anxiety or worry, because accepting that the heartache, the anxiety, the worry is justified... is rather troublesome.

That's why I try my best to not put those things in to the world, and to not surround myself with those things. Which again, can be hard.

Today has been funky.
I am in a fight with my hubby right now.
It's revolves around his Christmas gift to me. And not necessarily the gift itself, but the fact that he thinks he heard one thing when I didn't say it.

He got me new Pioneer Woman pots and pans for Christmas. It's a large set that includes a jumbo cooker with a lid, an iron skillet, and 4 or 5 other pieces. And while the set looks really nice, and it's a pretty blue, we don't need new pots and pans. And I have an issue accumulating things just because. Like I said, I've become quite deliberate. He thinks I asked for new pots and pans at some point, which I didn't. Our pots and pans are fine. We need a new jumbo cooker, which I had mentioned, and I believe he mis-took that mention as pots and pans (plural). Which is completely unfounded...
So that lead to our fight.
I feel like I have to ask him to listen to me so that I can grab his attention for a moment.
Otherwise, he hears parts of sentences... and parts of sentences incorrectly.

And what makes it even worse is that we are both too stubborn to back down. He is adamant that I said we need new pots and pans, where I am adamant that I wouldn't have said it... because we don't need new pots and pans. Why would I say we need new, if we don't?
And he said that when he got me the gift, he wasn't even that happy with it.
And he said that it was really more of a gift for him, since he is the one who is doing the most cooking right now.

At any rate, we talked/fought the whole way to work this morning and then we left it up in the air like that. Usually we will talk or text or send each other link on Facebook Messenger...
But today has been quiet.
Which makes me think that he is mad too.


I am in desperate need of some quality time with him, without any distraction. With a 6 month old and a 2.5 year old, that is hard to do. Most days, I spend my evenings nursing Courter, putting Penny to bed, and falling asleep early. We both work full time and leave the house before the sun comes up. Our days are long and hectic, and I have very little "me" time, let alone time with my husband. Maybe the new year will bring a moment to slow down and catch our breaths and focus on each other.

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