4 Individualist

As a part of our Life Group studies, we recently discovered the Enneagram. I have a thing for Personality Quizzes and enjoy the quirks that come with trying to typeset yourself for the sake of inner-definition.
When I took the Meyers-Briggs personality test, I was mildly surprised to learn that I am an ENFJ and that I am 51% extroverted. This was cool. I always thought of myself as being introverted, but this almost gave me a boost of confidence that allowed me to explore what being an extrovert meant, and as a result, I feel like I have seen my personality shift and open up.
Funny fact: Gary is also an ENFJ.
I am bewildered by this, but can come to accept it as true.

When we took the Enneagram personality test, I think I originally typed as a 9, but I didn't necessarily connect with it, or with it's definitions or motivations.
After a friend's suggestion, I started following an instagram account (www.instagram.com/enneagramandcoffee). So now, whenever I would visit Instagram, I would see these posts in my feed that started to help me define who I thought I was. Turns out, I had a pretty strong response to the 4s.

So then, when it came time to take the quiz for our LifeGroup, I typed myself as a 4. I think the results were slightly different (I don't remember the number), but I went back and looked at the questions that could have swayed it, and I re-considered them. In the end, a 4 was me.

Another funny thing...on one test, my husband ended up being typed as a 4 and I begged him to re-take it because I couldn't stand the thought of him being the same as me. Our friends said that that was a very 4 thing of me. lol.

And now, I am pretty caught up in all of it.

I find it fascinating.

4s are labeled as Romantic Individualists.

More of the story...1 to 2

"Callie?" "Yea, Rhett?" I turned around to face him. His eyes were sad and longing, like he wanted to say so much, but was searching for the right words. I stood there looking at him...searching his eyes for the truth that he was holding back. I couldn't believe how deep my feelings for him had grown in such a short amount of time. He grabbed my hands and sighed. What was going on? "I don't know how to say this, but this is goodbye. I've taken a contract in St.Louis and am heading out there next week." I froze. The world stopped. All of the blood in my body rushed to my hands and I could feel my pulse trying to escape through the tips of my fingers. I stood there trying to comprehend what he had just said. Had he not felt the same feelings that I was? "Listen, I know this is a shock. And I have feelings for you. But you are still with Patrick and you need to decide what that means to you before we go anywhere. I think this time will be good for us. We'll still talk. I can come down and see you. But you need to search your heart and find out where I fit in it." He touched the edge of my chin gently and gave me the softest kiss I could imagine. A tear fell down my cheek as I laid my forehead against his cheek. The wind picked up as if to force us to make a move and choose a direction. We stood there for a few seconds and then he sighed again, took a step back, turned around and walked away.

A week of shitty sleep had finally caught up to me. Between the rain on the roof and not being able to stop thinking about him, sleep had been infrequent and interrupted. It pissed me off. Sleep was something that I could rely on as a way to recharge, and now, I was totally drained. Work flew by, but I was on auto-pilot. I couldn't focus on anything. Luckily, I could keep my head down enough and chip away at the projects that I didn't draw too much attention. I was thankful when it came time to go home on Friday. Tonight I was seeing Patrick. I had avoided him all week, but tonight, I needed to talk to him and tell him everything.

When I came home, Lauren was there getting ready to go see John. I walked in the door and immediately crashed on the couch. "Hun, I don't know how much more of this I can take. What are you going to do? Have you heard from Rhett?" "I have to talk to Patrick tonight. And no, I haven't heard from him. I saw a picture he posted on Instagram on Monday of the St.Louis Arch, but I haven't heard a thing. It sucks." "Well maybe talking to Patrick will be a good thing. You need to move on and get back to the happy Callie that I know. Plus, Christmas is just a few weeks away. Tis' the season to be happy." "I know. You're right. I'll talk to Patrick tonight and we'll go from there."

I slipped into my bedroom and changed clothes. My embroidered jeans and a cream sweater provided just the right amount of comfort, yet were put-together enough for going to visit my boyfriend. "Hey! I am heading your way. Be there is 20." I texted Patrick as I walked out the door and down the street towards the Marta station. "Thanks love! See you soon. Be safe! I'll pick you up at North Avenue."

I got on the train and put my ear plugs in. The melodic beats and funky music of Two Feet's "Go Fuck Yourself" lulled me into another world. As much as I despised traveling via train, I did enjoy the being able to do nothing. The being able to sit and stare out a window as walls passed by. The autonomy of sitting amongst strangers and not necessarily feeling alone. As my ipod transitioned to Billie Eilish's "When the party's over", my mood fell again. I caught a glimpse of myself in the dark window and frowned. A few minutes later, I had arriving at North Avenue. I straightened up, paused the music, and returned the ear buds to my purse. As I walked out the turnstile, I saw Patrick standing there with a single red rose. Of course he had a rose. I smiled gently towards him and walked up to his embrace. He placed a kiss on my forehead and led me down the street and over the bridge to his apartment.